


To Mom

by LobbyLane



Category: The Producers (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 19:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10367637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LobbyLane/pseuds/LobbyLane
Summary: Leo finally manages to speak about his past... Leo/Max The Producers (c) Mel Brooks





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is basically a sequel to "Gold can turn to sand"...This time Leo's story. It took me quite a while to figure out how to put it, but finally I've finished one of the many stories I began XD hehe... Hope you like it ;)
> 
> Followed a "survey" this time ;)
> 
> Go to your nearest book. Turn to page 51. Find the first line of the last paragraph on the page. Use that line to start your scene.
> 
> Mine was "The Perfume" by Patrick Süskind

And during that same night, at first awake and then in his dreams, he inspected the vast rubble of his memory.

These nightmares came upon him often lately and it seemed nigh impossible to tell whether he was still asleep or awake anymore. He felt like losing his mind from time to time, but that dark cloud he called his memory appeared to vanish each time he tried to give in and just face it. So, Leo lay awake once more watching the white ceiling of the office seemingly eying him with its gray appearance from up there. Of course, everything was gray in the middle of the night and Leo felt way too tired to get up and switch on the lights to color the world around him a little more again.

He moved his hand lazily and pulled a crumpled envelope out of the pocket of his jacket, which he had used as a pillow when had come home. This blasted letter. It brought back too much of his past.

He carried it with him for over a week now, but didn't dare to open it. Lazily, he read the carefully written letters in front of him over and over again. 'To Mom' they said.

Leo stared at the words for what seemed an eternity. He remembered them oh so well. He knew why he had written them. And it appeared to be inconceivable to believe he'd forgotten about them. No, not forgotten... He had been abandoning them from his memories. Not for once had he been wanting to think about them ever again. Until that fateful day a week ago, when he stumbled across that letter lying between a huge pile of accounting books and contracts he hid under his bed. At first he didn't believe what he was seeing, but got a grip and quickly hid it in his jacket as he felt Max's eyes on him. He didn't want him to see; at least not yet. It was cowardly he knew, but somehow he didn't feel ready yet to share his past with his partner. Even after Max did that step and told him about his own life, which, so Leo had to admit, wasn't at all something one enjoyed to remember as well. But he himself just didn't know how to start. And Max never asked any questions. Ever. So, why was this so important to him?

He sighed.

His mother... The last time he thought of her was, well...Long ago.

And ever since he found that damn letter, he thought about her. And his father. And his past.

Like a dark cloud that black shadow filled with hopelessness and the unquenchable fears of his past life hung over him and just wouldn't let go.

"Leo?"

He turned his head slightly to find Max standing in the door-frame of the office, looking irritated. Leo sat up, leaning on his elbows. He didn't intend to wake him and felt way too weary to think about not having made one sound, so it couldn't have been him.

"What are you doing here?" Max asked in a quiet voice. He stepped closer to Leo who turned his gaze away. It was rather unusual for him to stroll around at night and of course, Max had noticed he did it more often lately. He had been certain it was only a phase but started to worry now, since it didn't end and the waking phases of his partner grew longer and longer. He simply couldn't ignore anymore how worn out Leo started to look during the days and every time someone asked him what the reason was, he made up yet another story, keeping the truth to himself.

"Kid, are you okay?" He sat down next to Leo, who didn't answer.

Max watched him for a few seconds and was sure he spotted the last glitter of tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Listen, I don't wanna obtrude but I'm starting to worry about you a little," he continued softly.

"Sorry," Leo answered quietly and Max couldn't really tell whether he was awake or not. But Leo sleepwalking? No, he was sure he must have had noticed before if Leo did something like that.

And just when he wanted to ask more, Leo turned his head and without a word handed him what seemed to be a letter. Max didn't take his eyes away when he took it hesitantly.

The envelope had never been opened. And the letter had no address, just two words on it.

"'To Mom'?" Max asked more to himself.

"Yeah," Leo said and knew Max was looking at him again. "I wrote it."

"You wrote a letter to your mother?" Max asked. "But... You never mentioned your family before." He felt a little ashamed to never have asked about them before now. He always assumed Leo had no family anymore, because he never spoke of anyone. But now, he noticed he hadn't been telling him about his own until a few weeks ago and he only did because Leo had asked a thousand times before and seemed so desperate to find out.

"My family isn't worth mentioning," Leo said.

Max gave him a puzzled look. But the younger man simply gave a short laugh as he seemingly remembered them and smiled at Max.

"I'm sorry I did worry you," he said. "I didn't mean to. That letter... Well, it just brought back a lot of..."

"A lot of duties?"

Leo shook his head. "A lot of memories. Things I never wanted to think about again."

"About your family?"

"About my past!" Leo was secretly surprised. He just dared to jump into a conversation he always thought of being terribly difficult, but somehow he felt safe looking in the eyes of Max, who didn't back away or react angry or heaven knows what else. He just listened. No one in his life had ever listened to him.

"It wasn't that good, hm?" Max asked, but knew the answer upfront. Judging the bewildered look on Leo's face he added: "I'm just guessing. I know your behavior. You keep your past a secret and since I sort of did the same I know how it works."

"You never asked either," Leo replied.

Max shook his head and smiled. "I always figured you would tell me when you were ready. I just didn't wanna rush you."

Leo nodded and had to smile too. These words were just another reminder. A reminder of himself having made the right choice by moving in with Max. A reminder of how a life was able to change. And a reminder of why exactly he had fallen for that man in the first place.

So, Leo took a deep breath.

"I was the only child of them. My Mom loved me as if I was the most important person in her life ever. I remember my childhood having been pretty carefree and I doubt any different than those of any other child. She just was always there for me..."

"Lucky you," Max smiled and Leo knew exactly what he wanted to say.

"She was my world. She always kept telling me to never stop dreaming; no matter what. When I was younger I always thought she just wanted to tell me how nice a place the world could be. Unfortunately, my father didn't give much about her 'childish, fairy-tale like' look at the world, as he always put it. He was completely different. He got angry all the time and started to scream without any warning. You just never knew when he was going to explode. And he loathed her. He loathed her optimism and her little intact world she tried to connect me to.

'Don't you mollycoddle the boy! He doesn't need all these effeminate ideas planted into him' he used to say. I didn't understand what he was saying back then."

"Has he always been like that?" Max asked when Leo paused for a moment.

Leo nodded. "As far as I remember, yes. He drank a lot and therefore used to lose his temper very easily. One day he was so angry at my Mom telling me one of her stories, he couldn't think of any more insults to scream at her. But apparently he seemed to think his girdle was enough to shut her up..."

Max gasped slightly. "He hit her?"

Leo nodded once and supported his head with his arm, leaning on the backrest of the leather couch.

"He did it very often then. But my Mom couldn't be broken that easily. And when he found out she still continued trying to change my world, he tried it the other way. Obviously, a boy could only become a real man if he became inured to emotions of any kind... So, it was my turn to feel his belt... And his fists and sometimes even his feet, when I was lying on the floor trying to catch some breath. I remember the screams of my mother he should stop. And the many nights I just couldn't close my eyes because of the pain that shot through my entire body... I wasn't allowed to go outside or be among people after a while. First, because my father thought playing with the 'sissy little faggots' of the neighborhood as he always called them wasn't the right thing for his son and then, because people were bound to notice the bruises all over my body or my black eyes or even the rest of blood always sticking somewhere on me. My mother was afraid of what people may think..."

Max felt his eyes growing bigger and his jaw drop while listening Leo's story.

"Didn't she ever call the police? Why did she stay with him then?" he asked after a moment, not believing what he was hearing.

Leo on the other hand just shook his head. "She loved him. I don't know why either. But she never once attempted to vanish. She did however try to protect me with everything she could do. One night when I was lying awake, crying...she tip-toed into my room and said she had something for me. Something that will always remind me of her and was supposed to help me feel secure. She said no one will ever take her away from me and it indeed made me feel a lot better whenever I had it close to me. It felt just like she was always by my side and I promised no one would ever touch 'her' again... In no way whatsoever..."

"What did she give you?" Max asked.

Leo turned his head again to look at him. Then he moved his hand a slight bit and pulled something out of his pocket once more, handing it to Max. He took it gently and for the first time he understood everything. Everything in their past and every little behavior that appeared rather strange to someone who didn't know Leo the way he did. He looked down at the blue blanket he held in his hands and an overwhelming wave of gratitude came upon him. It never had been a big deal to Leo that Max touched it, except for the first time they met. It was like the one evidence of how much Leo trusted him; of how much he loved him and almost brought tears to his eyes. He had stopped wondering about Leo's obsession with that silly baby blanket but now that he knew it... It suddenly felt so precious. Just like he was holding a treasure beyond imagination.

Leo watched him and had to smile. He knew this was special, but Max was the only person he would rip the blanket apart for.

"How did you get out of there?" Max asked with almost no voice after a while, looking at Leo again.

"It took a while," Leo answered. "Unfortunately, it got worse before it could get any better."

"Worse?" Max was shocked. What could be worse than that childhood?

"Dad was...well... his drinking problem got worse and so did his moods. One day he caught me talking to one of the neighborhood-boys through my window. I couldn't stand being locked up like that anymore and sometimes talked to them when I was certain Dad would not notice. But, well... he did this time. And got angry. No, raging is a better term. So, I was prepared to get beaten up once more, but this time... ," Leo hesitated and swallowed. This time Max was sure there were tears appearing in his eyes and the stagnation of Leo's voice made him fear what was coming next.

"He locked up my mother, so she wouldn't try to help... and locked both of us into my room... I doubt anyone heard my screaming..." Leo's voice broke and tears were now running down his cheeks.

Max couldn't believe it. He got up and quickly pulled Leo close to his chest, hugging him fiercely. He heard Leo sobbing in his arms and felt his hands grabbing his shirt. An unknown anger arose inside of him. That bastard. How could he dare?! Doing this to anyone was the most rotten thing in the world, but doing this to Leo was... He couldn't even find a word to describe his disgust. And he knew for sure if he ever met that man, he would kill him. A person like that didn't deserve to live...

After what seemed like hours Leo's breathing became quieter and he seemed to calm down again, while Max was stroking his back softly.

"I'm sorry...," Max said. "I shouldn't have asked..."

"No", Leo's voice sounded muffled as he spoke against Max's body. He leaned back and wiped away the remaining tears with his palm hand. "I felt I needed to tell you..."

"Leo...," Max touched his face with one hand and wiped over his cheeks with his thumb as well.

Leo shook his head. "I... I got away when I was around twenty..."

"Did he... Did he do it again?" Max asked almost not audible. To his horror Leo nodded.

"My mother shot him...," he continued almost instantly. Then he turned and stared at the ceiling. "She couldn't stand it, for even though he locked her away, she knew what was going on in her house... I don't know where she got the gun from nor how she escaped... I heard that shot one night and got up. I was scared something might had happened to her. She stood in the middle of the living room holding that gun in her hand and crying. When I asked what had happened she didn't even turn. It was then I noticed Dad lying on the floor not moving anymore. I was shocked, but... But I didn't feel anything. No compassion, no disgust...Just nothing. It was almost like seeing a dead bird on the meadow in front of the house. You notice but you don't really care..."

"What happened to your mother?" Max interrupted him.

"She turned herself in. She always said she needed to safe me, but to do so she did something horrible and had to be punished for it," Leo answered not looking at Max but closing his eyes and still holding his head up. "I was twenty back when it happened and was sent to Whitehall and Marks to make a living myself. My mother knew Mr. Marks and convinced him to give me a job before it happened."

Max stared at Leo in disbelief. "But he was..."

"Yes," Finally Leo looked at him again. "He was a prick as well. And I let him be. I've never spent much time around people and it was pretty hard to get used to it. He also had this habit of screaming very easily and it always sort of petrified me... So, I did everything he wanted me to do; just because I feared to being touched again, even though common sense knew he wouldn't have... I spent years there... It was like being caged again, but at least I was safe. Or that's what I thought..."

Max didn't know what to say. He always expected Leo's life having been somewhat difficult, but he never would have dared to imagine it had been such a torture. It was almost a miracle Leo was still alive. And not only alive. It was unbelievable how strong a person Leo had become. Max shook his head slowly. He never had met anyone alike in his whole life. When he met Leo for the first time he wanted to get rid of that cowardly gray little wimp as soon as possible. But the truth is, there was absolutely nothing cowardly he could find about him anymore. Leo was the strongest person he could imagine and he suddenly felt very small compared to him.

"Leo?" he asked hesitantly.

The younger man only turned his head but at last looked into his eyes again.

"What did you write in that letter?"

"Read it!"

Max took the envelope once more. Slowly he opened it and took out only one small piece of paper.

'Dear Mom,

I know I've let you down. I know I am not the person you wanted me to be.

You told me about so many pretty places and made me believe in everything wonderful, but everyone has to grow up sooner or later. And I've known for a long time. The world isn't as nice as you told me it was. Life isn't. And although I know you wanted only my best I failed again. I cannot take this anymore.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I hope we'll meet again someday.

I love you,

Leopold'

Max had to read it twice.

He looked up at Leo again, who was watching him from the corner of his eyes.

"I don't understand," Max admitted.

Leo had to laugh and closed his eyes.

"I wanted to end this torture I was living in," he dryly answered. Max lifted his head in surprise.

"But there was one thing I wanted to finish before," he continued. "So no one could say I didn't finish everything properly..."

"And what was that?" Max wasn't even sure if he really wanted to know anymore, but it seemed important to Leo to talk about it.

"One last job I had to do for Mr. Marks," Leo said and looked at him again.

Max's eyes widened. He knew what was coming now. And in that tiny moment he felt even more humble than ever before in his life.

"You had to do my books...," he finished the sentence for Leo, who nodded and got up. Max simply couldn't believe it. If things had turned out differently, he never would have met Leo. It was almost as though fate interfered to help both of them, just looking back at it.

He felt Leo coming closer to him until he flung his arms around him. Max sighed. There wasn't one moment he could recall he felt more happy, although very confused, of having Leo here with him; close to him.

Whereas Leo bend over and kissed his cheek softly.

"Do you believe me now?" he whispered, leaning his head on Max's. "You saved me in more ways than you could ever imagine..."

The End


End file.
